Danny Ward
"Productivity" VS. "Sloth"
“More than any time in recent history, America's destiny is not of our own choosing. We did not seek nor did we provoke an assault on our freedoms and our way of life. We did not expect nor did we invite a confrontation with evil. Yet the true measure of a people's strength is how they rise to master that moment when it does arrive…" (The West Wing)
I find myself, right now, excessively and almost exclusively watching movies and shows I’ve not just seen before, but have watched so many times, I basically know them by heart. And believe me, there are a lot of them. I’m a watcher.
Today, and for the last couple days, I’ve been re-binging “The West Wing” - a top-five favorite. Maybe it’s some internal desire for a reminder of what true and sound leadership looks like. Maybe I needed to hear some speeches passionately read in full, complete sentences. Maybe it’s some hope that there actually are true and earnest politicians that rise to occasion and defeat those seeking nothing but power and fear. Or maybe I just really like rewatching stuff.
It’s an occupational hazard, I suppose. I’m a writer and filmmaker. But I’ve always been this way. At 12, I started working at The Milford Cinema in Milford, Michigan, our town’s one-screen movie theater. One of my first jobs in New York, 18 years ago, was at Champagne Video (yes, the one from Seinfeld). So believe me, I can rewatch a movie or show countless times and not tire of it. I’ve literally done it professionally.
I’ve tried, at least three times a day, to watch a new show or a movie I haven’t seen. But, without fail, two minutes in, I’ve already missed half a scene because I got distracted by something, or more likely, nothing at all. I find I just don’t have the energy or where-with-all to absorb “new” right now.
I want to, but it’s sort of like when I was cramming for finals, exhausted, my freshman year of college, and I tried and tried to stay up all night, desperate to understand “No Exit.” But at a certain point, my brain and body said, “no more new; this is craziness; time for sleep, please, time for M&Ms and comfort…” It’s a lot like that.
So, I rewatch. And I eat M&Ms. And there’s absolutely nothing fucking wrong with that.
Since this lockdown began, there’s been a large emphasis on “Productivity." I know it’s been a significant aspect of our lives, building and brewing, for generations; but when this hit, it became a really big thing. So big, it’s already had a number of high and low tides. The memes, pro and con, have been epic, some already considered classics. Boasting such claims of those who, in times of quarantine, did such wonders as: wrote classic and generation-defining works, discovered the secrets of language, found cures, created codes, and solved that riddle that is how to get a child to just sit and be quiet. And sure, those things happened. I bet a few even happened in quarantine.
But, I say to that, respectfully, so what? I also say to that, less respectfully, fuck off.
“I went on a run today. I was really productive.”
“I got a lot done. I was productive.”
“We need to be productive for a good economy.”
“It was a productive day. Really good.”
We’ve grown so used to this being how we discuss “Productivity.” But what does it actually mean?
Example:
- Sunday, for probably the 15th time, I rewatched 13 episodes of “The West Wing” while smoking pot, naked in bed.
- Friday, I wrote, filmed, edited and released a comedic short film on social media (which got more likes than any previous post within the first couple hours; yes, that is a sad fact I know off the top of my head, and for some reason I do care about it; now you know that about me).
Which day was more "Productive"? I don’t know. I got drunk at the end of both. Both days made me feel good - each in its own way. So did getting drunk, for that matter. So, what the fuck is “Productivity”? And why do we feel that is what makes a day, an experience, a person “good”?
As the evidence shows, depending on how you define them, I am equally masterful at both - as are most of you, I would imagine. So, let’s look at a couple of the definitions.
Productive /prəˈdʌk.tɪv/
- causing or providing a large amount of something (i.e. goods, profit, crops, etc…).
- achieving a good result.
Sloth /slôTH,slōTH/
- reluctance to work or make an effort.
- a slow-moving tropical American mammal that hangs upside down from the branches of trees using its long limbs and hooked claws.
These are from the Cambridge Dictionary. I could’ve kept going and also listed other definitions from Merriam-Webster or Dictionary.com or any number of others. I looked them up and was planning on including them. I really wanted to prove to you that I was being “Productive” with my time (and thusly you with yours while reading this). But it was really boring and was going to take a lot of time to write. And so, while being “Productive,” I became “Sloth.”
This is why I view them as two sides of the same coin. I have to. I’m frequently, and often simultaneously, both. I regularly spend entire days doing nothing but watching and rewatching movies and shows. Friends and colleagues give me a write off - “you’re a filmmaker; you have to, it’s research.” That’s true, I guess. I also just like lazy, naked days of watching whatever the fuck I want.
On Sunday, while binge rewatching, I also spoke to and virtually visited with friends and family around the world.
First was a chat with a good friend and nurse here in New York. Without getting too deep into her current world (because no matter what I say, it cannot begin to describe what they are facing), you should know, she thanked - yes thanked - me, and those of us staying at home, for doing so. I felt weak and insignificant in the face of her bravery, experience and stories. To think I almost voiced a complaint about my 240 square-foot-studio-apartment-world feeling small. Humbling doesn’t begin to say. And thanks is nowhere near enough for her and everyone keeping society alive.
After I spoke to her, and watched another episode, I caught up with a friend who lives just north of NYC. He’s currently on furlough but generally works in Manhattan, above a bar I tended for many, many years. I’ve known him for over a decade and a half. There’s little we haven’t discussed on the countless 4 am rambling nights we partially remember. Today, was a lot of talk about how surreal this is, how our friends and families are, especially his mom, who he’s shared a house with for the last year or so.
That was the common theme of every conversation today - from the video call with dear friends in the countryside of France - where they need to fill out a form and present it at check points, only being allowed to remain out if they meet one of four acceptable reasons to be in public; to a text exchange with my uncle (and my aunt and cousin), sending my condolences over his mother’s passing early that morning to COVID; to a FaceTime with a best friend and her son; to the Zoom dinner with my parents and sister; to the drunken online cheers with a few buddies ranging from California’s sunset to Thailand’s sunrise. They were all different in their own way, but each the same. Dismay. Confusion. Worry. Laughter. Concern. Panic. Hope. Collapse… And yet, in each other, comfort.
Each of us, in each conversation, tried to support the other by making sure everyone knew each of us was being “Productive.”
“Yeah, I’ve been making these short films. They keep me sane.”
“I’ve been painting the house. Making use of the time.”
“Been getting in shape. Really just focusing on my health.”
“I’m on Zoom meetings non-stop, keeping myself going, keeping the productivity flowing.”
Yet, we’ve all seen and laughed at and shared the same memes. We know we’re not wearing pants. We know we’re sleeping whenever we can, whenever it may be. We know we’re drinking when we need to, as early or late as that is. We know we say to our friends kind of jokingly, but not at all jokingly, “There are no rules in quarantine.” We know. We know. We know. And there is NO judgement whatsoever. But still, we try to support through our commitment to “Productivity,” even if it be bragging about how many episodes of a 90’s political dramedy I can watch in one day (side note: it’s way more than 13).
Right now, I’m in my small, studio apartment in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. It’s 2:30 am. My parents are in Detroit. My sister in Milwaukee. It’s pretty late; I’m sure they’re asleep. They’re far more “regular” than I am when it comes to schedule. I work late. My sister works early. My dad works in the middle of the day, and is retired yet still works. Is one of us more or less "Productive" than the others? Are they "Sloth" for being asleep right now? Am I "Productive"? Remember, I’m drunk. So, where’s the line?
What’s really important, is all of us. It’s our health, collectively. It’s our continued resolve to be doing something that is, truly, for the immediate need and safety of our fellow human beings. And isn’t that, in fact, us achieving the not just a good result but the best one?
“The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight. They're our students and our teachers and our parents and our friends…” One of The West Wing’s most powerful speeches. One of my favorite quotes from the show. And could not be more true of every day we are facing right now. This is not the time to judge nor be concerned about producing a large amount of something or about feeling a reluctance to make any effort whatsoever.
Those that are out there, on the front lines, have no time to consider it. Those of us at home need to do whatever we can to make their lives easier, to help those that are suffering and sick. Which means, whether it’s "Productivity" according to the Cambridge dictionary or "Sloth" of the highest stoner regard, so long as it keeps you home, healthy, safe and sane, you are absolutely doing your part. And I thank you for it. “The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight, but every time we think we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we're reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes. We will do what is hard. We will achieve what is great. This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars.”